Success
by Joshua Tehee
ShareJoy and Tom Carroll still remember being young and in love.
She was 16, he was just shy of 19, when they wed at the Memorial Baptist Church in Fresno in 1949. They had known each other a little more than a year when they said their "I do's," and have managed a longevity most dream of - though not without a lot of work.
In marriage, it seems, the Beatles got it wrong. Love is not all you need.
Love did play its part in their marriage, Tom Carroll says. He was - and still is - crazy about his girl. You can still catch them sitting close, holding hands.
"It pretty much was, 'this was the girl,' "from the very first moments, he says.
That love created a strong foundation. But ask them what makes a lasting marriage and you'll hear words like communication, compromise, trust, respect and faith - especially faith. The couple met at a church camp in Mount Herman and found guidance in the Bible. They still attend worship and Bible study each week.
Faith is an important part of Clarence and Mary Howard's marriage, too - all 54 years of it. The Clovis couple says you've got to have faith, in God and in each other, to make a marriage work for that many years. Clarence was 18 when they wed. Mary was 19.
"I married an older women," he says, sitting on the patio outside the Little French Hen Cafe, the coffee house he opened with his wife four years ago. He has been working to support his family since he was 15. Even at a young age, the couple had a maturity, they say, something many couples lack today.
Having good role models also helps, says Joy Carroll. Her grandparents were married 50 years. His parents, too. Many of their friends made the half-century mark.
Both couples agree marriage is work - hard work, something you meet head on, every day.
"A marriage evolves," Tom Carroll says. "Her tastes have changed. My tastes have changed."
The trick is communicating those changes, so there are no surprises. Another hint: Don't let small things turn big, Clarence says.
"We flare up," Clarence says. "But we mellow out."
"I flare flare up," Mary says, patting Clarence's hand with a quick laugh.
There are times when the Carrolls just agree to disagree. Their advice, cliche as it seems: Don't go to bed angry.
More than anything, you can't get complacent, Joy Carroll says, even after 50 years. The efforts will be worth it. Sharing moments together - the birth of children, grandchildren - is worth it. Since retiring, the Carrolls have visited 40 of the 48 states in their RV. They've stood together on the edge of the Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls. They've seen the man-made glory of Mount Rushmore, and driven down the deserted highways in South Dakota. Clarence and Mary Howard lived in Mexico, worked at an orphanage. Clarence was a school administrator.
Now, in their 70s, they are having the time of their lives, serving customers, passionate about a really good cup of coffee. And these days, Clarence's happiest moments come early, around 4 a.m., when he brings a cup to his wife, as she starts baking at the cafe.