Cultural Weddings
Written by Heather Harden
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For many cultures a wedding is the most important event involving families and communities, a day where a couple's future is celebrated along with the traditions of the past. Weddings that are rich in culture offer the couple the ceremony they had always envisioned and invite guests to enjoy an event filled with their most valued and joyful traditions. For those attending a cultural wedding not of their own background it is an opportunity to transcend into a celebration unlike one they have experienced.
Jaime and Margarita
Jaime and Margarita's wedding was held on a warm spring day in May. The priest, a long-time family friend, traveled from Guadalajara, Mexico to officiate their wedding. The flowers, dress, veils, centerpieces and other items were brought in from Tonala, Guadalajara and other locales. Many guests had come from all parts of Mexico to witness the union of two special people. It was a beautiful and traditional Catholic Mexican wedding in every way - with all the touches of Mexico - and it was held right here in Turlock.
The couple had wanted a ceremony and reception that was loyal to their culture, and they are certainly not alone. Brides and grooms of many cultural back¬grounds forego the type of wedding you might see in the typical bridal magazine or bridal show for one that honors the tradi¬tions of their upbringing and family.
As Margarita (Maggie) explains it, "We are Mexican-Catholic - there was no ques¬tion in my mind that it was going to be a Catholic wedding." A need to follow the traditions of their culture began with the proposal. When Jaime proposed to Maggie she protested that she wasn't able to accept because both of their families happened to be out of town. Maggie explains, "I told him 'We can't - our parents are gone! Your parents need to ask for my hand.' "
So once both families returned, Jaime's parents visited the home of Maggie's parents and they formally asked Mag¬gie's father for her hand. Maggie's father accepted and had the traditional respon¬sibility of determining when they would be allowed to marry. Maggie's father knew this tradition well - when he and Maggie's mother married, Maggie's grandfather asked that the couple wait a year, and they respected his wishes. For Maggie's engage¬ment, her father was very open about the date, "He was fine with whatever we wanted," Maggie says.
The proposal from Jaime's parents to Maggie's parents was the first time the families had met. As Maggie explains, "Before that there is no reason for them to meet."
For the next year Maggie and Jaime carefully planned every detail of their ceremony and reception to ensure that their special day was rich in the customs of their Mexican culture. On the big day the couple said their vows in an hour-long ceremony in a Catholic church in Turlock. The ceremony included many traditional rituals. One tradition was when a lasso made of silver and pearl crystals was placed around the bride and groom to symbolize "that the marriage was held in prayer," Maggie explains. "Another tradition we have is the 13 gold coins. Jaime provides me with the coins to signify that he will always pro¬vide for me.
" In both of these traditions, Padrinos are chosen to honor the couple by presenting the sacred item and partici¬pating in the wedding ceremony. Padrinos are an important and influential couple to the bride and groom. The most important Padrinos for a wedding ceremony would be the Padrinos de Velacion. This couple represents a strong, spiritual marriage and offers guidance and support to the couple throughout their marriage. Maggie and Jaime chose two couples; one couple lives here, the other in Mexico.
The couple's reception was a festive celebration with more than 900 guests in attendance. Maggie explains, "Everybody is welcome. Every invitation was to 'so and so and family.'" They held the reception in a large hall at the Fairgrounds in Turlock to accom¬modate the large gathering.
They served classic Mexican cuisine of carnitas, chicken, beans and rice. For the father-daughter dance, commonly a slow dance, Maggie surprised her dad with one of his favorite songs, a fast-paced cumbia song. Mexican folkloric dancers performed as the mariachi band played and the celebration went late into the night. As is common at some weddings in Mexico the couple passed out props with each type of dance music to keep the party lively. "With country music we passed out hats and bandanas, with Carib¬bean music beads, and during an old song about Mexican wrestlers we handed out wres¬tling masks. Everyone had a great time."
The decorations and dress were planned carefully. Hand-made bouquets were brought in from Tonala, Mexico for the bride and bridesmaids. The flowers were created out of bread flower and delicate crystals. Maggie traveled to Guadalajara six months before her wedding to have her lace wedding dress hand sown by seamstresses. Colorful glass flowers were brought in from Mexico to create cen¬terpieces for the many tables at the reception.
However the most treasured imports from Mexico on their special day were the more than thirty honored guests that had trav¬eled hundreds of miles to wish the bride and groom well. The couple chose to forego their honeymoon plans to show the visiting family and friends around California. "We even took them to Disneyland," Maggie says.
Maggie and Jaime were not big cham¬pagne drinkers so they decided to toast with a Mexican classic: Tequila. Jaime's parents purchased clay shot glasses from Guanajuato, Mexico with the bride and groom's names on them. It made for a memorable toast. ¡Salud!
Terry and Parvender
While Terry and Parvender may be from different countries, India and Fiji respectively, both the bride and groom were of the Sikh faith. So when it came time to plan a wedding it was only natural that it would follow their religious and Indian traditions. Weddings are an important part of the Indian culture and a great deal of family involvement, planning and detail was involved. Just like many other couples of strong cultural backgrounds they had a clear vision of what their ceremony and reception would entail.
"Grow¬ing up we had always gone to traditional Sikh weddings so we had a pretty good idea how ours was going to be," Parvender says.
Like many cultures, a large gathering of family and friends was essential to witnessing and celebrating the union. "Indians always have large weddings and it is always held at the temple," she says. By many standards "large" may be an understatement - at Terry and Parvender's wedding there were 500 guests at the ceremony and 1,100 guests at the reception.
Indian weddings last several days, with a different ritual happening on each day. It is traditional on the first day for the bride to partake in a henna ceremony. Henna tat¬toos were drawn on Parvender's hands, arms and feet. The artwork took about three and a half hours to complete. Dur¬ing this ceremony, which Parvender had on a Thursday, Indian food was served and festive dancing took place.
On Friday, family and friends went to the brides and grooms homes for Mayian, a pre-wedding ritual that calls for the bride and groom to have a Haldi powder spread on their skin. The powder gives their skin a warm, golden glow. Parvender explains that in the distant past "there was no such thing as makeup so it was used to brighten up your skin. You apply the powder five-to-seven times during that day," she says. Another Indian tradition that happens on that day is a candle ceremony called the "Jaggo." Dur¬ing the Mayian, the bride's grandparents tend to walk a distance from their house to the bride's family home after it gets dark. "The candles are used for light and they also sing and dance while coming to the Mayian," she says.
"This is an old tradition from India, just modified these days to have fun and carry on the tradition. It usually doesn't go on the bride's head, but all the other family members carry it on their heads and dance," she says.
On Saturday, it was time for Terry and Parvender to officially tie the knot, which was a fairly lengthy ceremony. "Ceremonies are usually held before noon and last for about an hour-and-a-half," she says. During the ceremony the groom sits on the right side and the bride on the left in a traditional red lengha (Indian wedding gown). A red scarf was placed on the Terry's right hand and at one point during the ceremony the brides father is asked by the Sikh priest to put the scarf in the brides left hand to symbolize that he is giving his daughter away.
A particularly memorable point in the ceremony for the couple was when they followed one of the oldest traditions. Par¬vender explains that the bride and groom "go around the bible four times while singing a prayer. The first time around represents that the marriage ceremony has begun, the second rids the couple of impu¬rities and egotism, the third brings divine love to the couples souls and the fourth and final round confirm the couple has found eternal Lord God within their unity. After the ceremony they left the Livingston temple and the bride threw rice behind her. "It symbolizes that she is leaving her home and going to her new family's house," she says.
Receptions are a fairly recent develop¬ment in Indian weddings. "It was pretty formal," she says. "We spoke, cut the cake, and then everyone started dancing."
An additional step is required for couples who are married in the Sikh temple: in order to have their marriage recognized legally the couple had to go to the Justice of the Peace and take their vows. "We did it a week before our ceremony."
Nancy and Ramin
High school sweethearts Nancy and Ramin celebrated their union in a mod¬ern Assyrian wedding. The initial process though began in a traditional way: the Ramin's family visited Nancy's family to officially ask for her hand in marriage.
Their big day was a mix of traditional rituals and modern additions. As has always been done in Assyrian culture, family and friends gathered at the bride's family home as she prepared for the cere¬mony. "The reason for everyone gathering at the house is because the groom's family and friends come to escort the bride to the ceremony," Nancy explains. "The groom's family dances into the house with what we would consider to be a drum and clarinet. The bride stays in her room until someone from the groom's family comes to bring her out and for her to say her goodbyes to her family. This basically symbolized her leaving her families home and moving on with her life," she says.
"The groom's family must give a gift to a member of the bride's family as a sym¬bol of appreciation," she says. Originally they gave bread and pastries but over time the gifts have become mostly money. "How much they give depends on the family. They can give singles for all we care - it is just a fun tradition that has evolved from generation to generation. Many people who hear this think that it means that they are buying the bride, but in our eyes it is another fun gesture that makes Assyrian weddings that much more interesting," Nancy explains.
Usually Assyrian weddings are held in the groom's church, however Nancy and Ramin decided on an outdoor ceremony at the CSU Stanislaus gazebo. The Chris¬tian ceremony lasted about a half an hour and included many traditional elements. During the ceremony Nancy and Ramin shared the common glass of blessed wine. "They share it as a pledge of lifetime of mutual sharing and nurturing," Nancy explains.
The couple also wore crowns. "It is the authority and privilege that the bride and groom hold," she says. During the crowning ceremony the bride and groom also tie red and white ribbons on their arm. The red and white ribbons symbolize the blood and water of Christ. The bride also wore a blessed cross dur¬ing the ceremony. Once the couple has children, this cross is reused at the child's baptism to signify continuity between generations.
There were 120 guests at the cer¬emony and 420 at the reception. "The reason for having such a large number of guests attend our wedding is because many Assyrians come from large families," Nancy says. "We are a culture that is very family-oriented and have many relatives both near and far. For our wedding we had guests from Canada, Michigan, New York, London and L.A."
The bride and groom arrived at the reception in traditional Assyrian style. "The guests get up and dance in front of the bride and groom as they are announced," she says. "There were so many people dancing in front of us that it took a long time until we actually reached the dance floor. This is a way for our guests to welcome us as husband and wife." The guests dance with colorful beaded handkerchiefs.
In Assyrian culture, gifts for the bride and groom are monetary. "Having four or five hundred guests costs a lot of money," Nancy says. "So guests bring money to help the bride and groom 'pay' for the wedding."
The couple appreciates how the cultural elements of their wedding added something special. "If it wasn't for some of our traditions, Assyrian weddings would not be as festive as they are and have been," she says.